Walking with God

"A man's steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?" Proverbs 20:24
"And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8
Sometimes the path I am on has a lot of pot holes, rocks and thorny weeds. It twists and turns and I can't see very far ahead. It is dark and frightening and there are scary sounds around me. I walk along whispering prayers, my heart reaching out for God and aching for peace.
Sometimes the path is a wide and sandy beach and I can see miles ahead. The roar of the ocean is a calming background melody and I delight in watching the shorebirds dart into the surf and then away to safety before the next wave breaks. Tiny sand crabs scuttle along ahead of me, but I can see a long way into the misty distance. Those are the times I sing to the Lord in thanksgiving for the beauty he has brought into my life.
Sometimes I am standing on a ledge with no path at all in my line of sight. Those are the moments when I must close my eyes and take that storied "leap of faith." God knows where he needs me, even if I can't understand why or where I should go. If I can just remember what the Lord requires of me - to act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with my God - then I will get to the place he is leading me. No matter how difficult the journey, God has the proper end in mind to serve his purpose. And that, of course, is why I am here.

Finding God Where We Need Him

I had an interesting discussion yesterday with two business acquaintances who were discussing what should be important about a church service. I came in to the discussion late and one man was expressing the need to feel good about the service at a church, but that he was put off by big rock bands and light shows, and doom and gloom preaching. The other man, who is much further along in his spiritual journey, felt like it shouldn't matter what the service is like or how you feel - what's important is your relationship with Jesus. What, they wanted to know, was my opinion?

Actually, I agree with both of them. And as I thought about it, I realized that much like the song says, it is all about Jesus when we get inside the church. Often we DO make it about ourselves when we want an uplifting sermon, the music we like, communion on our preferred schedule, etc. I also said that I thought each of us has to approach Jesus in our own way - that what is comforting and relevant for me is probably different from you. And, I think that the Lord knows where we are in our own spiritual journey and reaches us in the place where we are.

However you reach for Jesus, hear him speaking to your heart, and respond to his message is a very personal thing. I respond through the written word, but others need the music, the sermon, the meditation or the fellowship to find their communion with the Lord. I believe strongly that God finds us where we need him, and that he speaks to each of us in a language we can understand. He made each of us unique on purpose, so why on earth would he expect all of us to have the exact same worship style?

What style of worship do you prefer?

Repentance in two parts

"Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked? declares the Sovereign Lord. Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live?" Ezekiel 18:23 
"Because he considers all the offenses he has committed and turns away from them, he will surely live; he will not die." Ezekiel 18:28
These verses spoke to me this morning, and particularly the last one. I circled the word "considers" in my Bible because I felt that it was a key part of the scripture. God asks us to think about our actions, as well as turn away from them. Turning over a new leaf is great, but unless you understand why and consider why the old ways were sinful, I think you are probably not safely established in your new habits.
It seems like losing weight to me. I can go on a diet, change my ways for a little while, and eat healthy foods. But if I don't realize what my old habits were doing to me, then I won't understand why they led to me gaining weight. If I don't understand why some foods are fattening and others healthful, then I probably will slip right back into my old eating patterns.
But even if I do understand all that (and I do!), if I don't completely turn away from the old ways, then I will eventually backslide (I do that, too!). That's the repentance part. God teaches us that there are two parts to repentance: being truly remorseful for what you have done, and then making a permanent change in behavior. And, I cannot be truly remorseful if I have not fully considered what I have done. Prayer and meditation can bring me to a place of deep consideration, a thoughtful time where I can visit and review my thoughts and actions. Journaling and blogging do, as well.
God doesn't want us to be lost, he doesn't get any pleasure out of our death to sin. He wants us with him and he wants us to turn from our wicked ways. He just wants us to fully understand what we're doing, and why, when we do it.

The Good Towels

This was written in August of 2005. Since then, it has been published in a couple of fine publications. My mother passed away on September 20, 2006. But I continue to live the lesson of The Good Towels. I hope you enjoy it and learn something, too.

A few days after my mother was diagnosed with lung and brain cancer, I found myself inside the hallway linen closet just outside her bedroom door. Although both she and my father had invited me to sleep in her bed while I was there and my mom was hospitalized, I couldn’t bring myself to sleep in her bed.  My father, who is paralyzed, has his own room across the house from hers and they have slept apart for these last 15 years or so. I chose the “guest” bed instead, which really, until quite recently, had been where my 90-year-old grandmother had called home. But now Nana was in a nursing home recovering from a broken shoulder and, while she wasn’t yet aware of it, it was going to be her new home. Even before my mother’s crisis she had realized she could no longer care for her mother, who was suffering from both Parkinson’s disease and Alzheimer’s. After 7 years, the road had become too rough even for my mother.

Ironic then, in a horrible sort of way, that within three weeks of my grandmother going to the nursing home that my mother should be diagnosed with cancer. Stage IV. Inoperable. Radiation and chemo ahead and no guarantees. No one talking about time frames and I’m not sure why not, but it’s left unsaid.

So I am staring at the neatly stacked purple towels. My mother has been very precise with them. They are all folded exactly alike, facing the same way, stacked by size and color. And there, to the left and tucked to the side away from the everyday purple towels are the “special” towels. Among them are the towels I bought for her at Christmas, a beautiful soft fluffy white towel embroidered with deep purple irises. Purple is her favorite color. I fell in love with the towels over the internet and knew that she must have them. 

Maybe if I had bought her three sets, or ten, she would have used them as everyday towels. But she had just the one set and there they were, set aside, for who-knows-what. I stood and stared and thought: “we should use the good towels.”

I vaguely remember reading an article by Erma Bombeck as she came to the end of her life. She wrote about using the good china, about burning candles and eating dinner at the dining room table and doing all the stuff we usually reserve for company, but doing it with those who are closest to us.

We should use the good towels. We should dry off with the fringed beauties that hang nearly dusty on our not-to-be-touched guest towel racks. When they get dirty we should wash them, and use them again and again until we tire of them, and then we should buy new “guest towels” and use them some more.

We should not wait until we have cancer or some other life-limiting disease before we eat at the dining room table, use the good china or haul out the silver. Who better than our own spouses and children to spoil with those things?

A couple of years ago I remember setting a beautiful table in the dining room for a Sunday dinner with my husband and our children. Together we have five children and they make a marvelous mixed family that is a blessing to us both. As I lit candles, poured wine and water into crystal glasses, and put out the linen napkins, my middle stepdaughter clapped with delight. “I love it when you have a centerpiece and candles,” she said. “It makes me feel so special.” I resolved right then to try to make all my children feel just that special as often as I can. 

The love we have for our own family is way beyond what we feel for friends and neighbors. And yet, we often reserve the good towels and the china and the silver for the people we hardly know. Our best manners are generally reserved for strangers while we often forget to say “I’m sorry” or “Excuse me” in our own homes.

Civility shouldn’t be reserved for those we know least, and the good towels should be shared with the ones we love best. And standing there in the doorway of my mother’s linen closet, I knew that the way I live my life would change forever. So I pulled out the lovely fluffy white towels and draped them across the towel bar in her tiled bathroom. I admired them and worried about spoiling them…even though I had already decided that was foolish.

I wanted my mother to come home to beauty and caring and the lovely home she had created for so many years. And I wanted her to use the good towels.

P.S. Those towels are still in my mother's closet and I try to take them out and hang them when I visit with my Dad!

Will Write For Jesus: The Charity of Christ

Will Write For Jesus: The Charity of Christ

The Charity of Christ

For many years, I worked for the Daughters of Charity at a hospital. There, I became familiar with their creed: "The charity of Christ crucified urges us." That motto, if you will, has come to me often in the past few weeks. Christ does indeed urge me, I feel the insistent tug on my heart to follow him where he is leading me. I don't know where that is, and that causes some anxiety. The Lord has promised me a big change in my life and I have had plenty of those in the last few months! Christ Jesus has a heart for charity. Not in the way we think of it, though - he didn't hand out money to "charitable" organizations. Jesus didn't serve others via check writing. He got down and dirty - quite literally - washing the feet of others, eating with sinners, loving the unlovely. The ultimate charitable act, Christ crucified, is beyond my ability to understand. This morning I was in prayer and feeling bad about some of the things that had happened to me. But then I remembered that in no way, at no time, will I ever suffer as Christ did. No one has flogged me, beat me, stabbed me or crucified me. My Lord and Savior went through all of this willingly, as an act of charity, to save me. And you. And everyone who believes.

Little things are so important. A cliche, yes, but no less true because of that. It's the moments of small victory that we treasure - the first steps of a child, a sweet hug from a grandson, an unexpected gift from a family member. I saw a bluebird on a lamp post this morning, and I think it was the first one I've ever seen. It flitted from one post to another, just ahead of me and the dog, for a few hundred feet, then took off for a roof top. I saw the blue shimmer under its wings as the morning sun reflected its underside, and I wondered at it. Something so tiny, so beautiful, so unexpected. Yesterday, I was having a visit with my dad and my uncle and cousin joined us. My uncle has just been diagnosed - for the second time - with cancer. It has spread to his lymph nodes and we are all waiting for more information and a prognosis. It is a difficult time for his daughter and she has come from out of state to be his support. But when he walked in the door yesterday, he was carrying a small white box that he held out to me. I was confused - a gift for me? Why? He shrugged and joked "I robbed a jewelry store." Inside was a beautiful bracelet with my birthstone - sapphires - and diamonds. It is gorgeous and all the more so because it was unexpected, unwarranted, unearned. Just like God's love for all of us. The moment that I'll always treasure isn't so much the gift, but the act of selflessness and generosity he showed in a time when many people would be inwardly focused. So many of us would be worried about ourselves, consumed with anger or pain or suffering. But my uncle, who has always had a generous heart, showed once again that it is not about self. It is about what we do for one another. He could never have known how meaningful that gift is to me - it brought me surprising joy at a time when other things in my life have been dark and frightening. I see God's hand in the moment, and that brings peace to me about the storms surrounding me.

Little things are important.

Living like I have one more chance at life

Reading Romans today I found several scriptures that spoke to me. I was reminded that life in the Spirit creates a different result than life in sin. "The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace." (Romans 8:6) and "offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life." (Romans 6:13)

What if I had died and been brought back to life by God -- how would I behave? What kind of person would I be? I hope that I would be more grateful and more gracious -- more sympathetic and more understanding. Less self-centered and selfish, less focused on the moment and more on eternity. What if God had given me one more chance at life -- how would I live it?

But wait, God already has given me one more chance -- many chances, really. Each time I sinned and he forgave me; each time he led me away from disaster; when I was baptized, lonely, scared, tempted, confused, sad. All those times he was with me. The moment in ICU last month when I felt arms of love surround me and peace in my heart.  Now if I can just recognize that gift and start living more like all my intentions -- live like I've been given another chance at life!

Powerful Prayer

A few years ago, I learned the power of prayer through a very simple tool - a journal. Encouraged by our pastor to keep a journal and list our prayers, I started recording all the things I was praying for and making a note when the prayer had been answered. Sometimes the answer was what I had hoped for, and sometimes not, but I was stunned by the number of prayers answered over the course of a year, then two, then five. I saw - in my own handwriting - in black and white the power of prayer. I praise God for giving us the gift of prayer, for teaching us how to pray and for loving us enough to answer our prayers in a way that's best for us.

My Half Shekel

"The rich are not to give more than a half shekel and the poor are not to give less when you make the offering to the Lord to atone for your lives." (Exodus 30:15)
This scripture puzzled me at first - why wouldn't God want the rich to give more if they wanted to or could afford to? But then I realized - God was asking each Israelite to make an offering to atone for their lives. They were to begin, at age 20, to repay the Lord in a small way that recognized His gift of life. No one man is worth more than another to God - the rich and the poor are equal in His eyes. God did not want more from the rich because their lives weren't more valuable to Him than the lives of the poor. God loves us all the same!
"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" (Mark 8:36)
Jesus reminds us that the gift of life is extravagant! Worth so much that nothing on earth can purchase his own soul - not the whole world! Yet God instructed the Jews to give 1/2 shekel each year at census time as a reminder of the Gift of God they had received. Surely, God's gift was worth far more than that - worth more than the whole world - yet the Lord sought a token as a reminder to us.
Do I know the value of God's gift to me? I know I haven't always acted in ways that show God how much I appreciate the gift. Every time I've done something self-destructive, I devalue the gift. My 1/2 shekel - is it just a daily acknowledgement of the Lord's gift through prayer? Is it doing his will, or doing something for others? How will I spend my 1/2 shekel today?

Corinthian Reflection
by Kim Deppe

Freedom reeks of slavery.
Sold into our own desires,
pushed into gluttony and hedonism
by our own commitment to self.
Lost in free will
wandering through forests of black thoughts,
bold desires, lust for more.
God gave me choices,
all of them.
I swing from chaste to haste, giddiness to fright,
serving to slavery.
Picking my way through paths littered with my faithless thoughts,
overcome by brambles of pain or sorrow,
thrashing through low branches hung with remorse.
The wooded way of my life
is peppered with regrets
and sprinkled with the dappled sunlight of Christ's love.
When I surrender my selfish freedom and seek the sun,
the Son finds me and wraps his wings of love around me.
Trapped in loving arms and not free - yet completely free to be
to be blessed, not cursed
to be loving, not lost
to seek and find.
"Everything is permissible," says the Lord, "but not everything is beneficial."
-------

1 COR 10:23,24
"Everything is permissible - but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible - but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others."

Bringing the feminine into the Tabernacle

I was finishing up the book of Exodus this morning and struggling through that whole litany of items made for the Tabernacle. Each item is described in detail 3 times -- how the Lord described it to Moses, how the men made it, and then what it was like when finished and presented to Moses and then God. I found something interesting right in the middle, though -- something I'd not noticed before even though I've read it several times before. That is the Basin for Washing. The instructions from God (Exodus 38:8) call for it to be made from the "mirrors of the women who served at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting." Now this puzzles me. Are the mirrors to reflect the feminine presence into the tent? Or are they to reflect the women's images back outside, so that there is no feminine presence? It's a mystery. It's the only article made from something else - everything else is made custom and new. But this washing basin is specifically made from something belonging to women who serve God. It's the only mention of women serving in or near the Tent. What did those women do? Cook? Clean? Butcher? Sew? Read? Speak?
God brought the women into his Tabernacle in a symbolic way related to cleansing and light. I just don't understand more than that, and maybe I'm not meant to!
Comments? Thoughts? What does this passage say to you?

Bible online

http://www.biblegateway.com/

Bible Gateway is a great online resource. I use it often when I am away from my Bible (at work, on the road, etc.).

Being Jeremiah

Wow, it must have been tough to be Jeremiah the prophet. Charged by God to warn the people of Judah and Israel of their coming fall, he was spurned, beaten, spit on and ignored. The people hated him for what he said to them - words that came from God. Warnings that God was sending the Babylonians to conquer them and take them captive, dragging them from their land into exile. It's a message that no one wanted to hear. Jeremiah complains "I am ridiculed all day long; everyone mocks me. Whenever I speak, I cry out proclaiming violence and destruction. So the word of the Lord has brought me insult and reproach all day long." (Jeremiah 20:7). Then he continues on, saying that even when he doesn't want to carry on, he simply must. He's compelled to continue. "I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot." (Jeremiah 20:9).

It's not just that God was asking Jeremiah to prophesy - he demanded it. Jeremiah talks about God's word burning in his heart "like a fire" and knowing that, no matter the cost, he had to do what was asked of him.

We have all kinds of sayings to describe Jeremiah's situation: the bearer of bad tidings, don't kill the messenger, etc. Jeremiah wasn't very popular and at one point he wished that he had never been born. It all reminded me that sometimes it isn't easy, or popular, to do what God requires of us. But when our hearts are burning like a fire, and we hear the voice inside us urging us on, then it's a good time to listen and obey. God writes things on my heart and gives me the words I need to share them with others. He urges me to do this. Not as a preacher, but as a writer. Whatever I bring to the party is a gift from God anyway, so I am merely giving back to him what is already his.

Today, God impressed on me the lesson of Jeremiah. Sometimes it won't be popular or easy to do what God has asked. Sometimes you will be hated for it, or ignored. But God promises us all that if we will do what he commands us, his hope and his peace and his love will sustain us - even through the difficult times ahead.

But, but, but.....

Excuses, excuses. I've got a million of them - don't we all? "I'd love to help out with the church dinner, but..." "Wish I could be there, but...."
I was reading this morning in Exodus and the story of God talking to Moses. God asks Moses to go to Pharaoh and ask for the release of the Israelites. Moses (who is talking DIRECTLY to God!) starts sputtering excuses. "But they won't believe me"; "but I'm not a good speaker"; and lastly, "God, please pick somebody else to do this."
God got irritated at that point, and I can relate. I have a teenage son who often throws up the same kind of roadblocks when I want him to do something. After the second or third one, I get a little frustrated. Imagine how God felt! He'd given Moses this great staff that turns into a snake when he throws it to the ground. God tells Moses to use that if people don't believe he spoke to God directly. And if they still don't believe, put your hand inside your cloak and when you pull it out it will be all diseased (like leprosy); when you put it back and then remove it, it will be healed. Pretty impressive stuff.
I'm having trouble at this point figuring out why Moses is still objecting to carrying out God's wishes. I'm hopeful that if I was speaking directly to God and he asked me to do something, that I would jump right in.
But would I? How many times have I heard the nudge, the little voice inside me that said "do this" but still ignored it. I can come up with some pretty byzantine reasoning for why I shouldn't - have to go to work now; have to cook dinner; no time; no money - etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Like Moses, I can be pretty stubborn about carrying out God's will, especially when it's going to be difficult or even frightening. But the truth is that when I look back on the moments that I just dove in and did it, without really thinking about the reasons not to, well, those are the moments that I felt closest to God.
"Not my will, but yours," Jesus prayed at his last hours. It's a prayer I need to remember constantly. No buts about it.

So, Jesus nudged my elbow the other day at church and whispered: "Writers write. You write for Christ." I couldn't shake the thought, so I decided that it was time to get this blog started. Here's my favorite scripture right now:

"Amen! Praise and glory and wisdom and thanks and honor and power and strength be to our God for ever and ever. Amen!" REV 7:12

It's an awesome list of astonishing gifts we are given by our God.

What's on your list?